I’ve been into astrology since I was a kid, drawing up natal charts for my friends and researching synastry. I knew one day I’d study it in depth, maybe decades later. But at 21 I had a spiritual emergence experience that radically enlivened me and had me questioning the foundations of the reality I’d always known.
Toward the end of a pretty wild adventure, I sat down with an evolutionary astrologer for some answers and felt more deeply seen than I’d ever been in my life. How did this person know my Soul without yet knowing me? I had to study Evolutionary Astrology, and so I did.
Armed with amazing knowledge I wanted to share, I found myself at a crossroads. I couldn’t go back to the normal world from which I’d come, but what I’d touched in my mystical experiences didn’t yet exist sustainably for me or in my immediate world. At the risk of having to live an inauthentic life or a life in exile, I got to work: I wondered how the mystical could be brought down to earth.
This initiatory experience sent me on a path of building relationships with the planets and the Universe itself, and becoming a professional evolutionary astrologer.
How I Became a Soul Worker
It was 2012 and I was 21 years old when I met an ex-spy in a dream one morning and then in my waking life that very evening. We became fast friends, and then lovers, and he offered to teach me anything I wanted to know about magic.
I had studied astrology on my own for nine years, and based upon my astrological research I was expecting a massive opportunity. I was also warned that I might overestimate my abilities and make a disastrous error in judgement. So, when an enchanting, quicksilver, and very lethal man who I’d first met in a dream crossed my path – you might say I was prepared to go on the adventure. I only lightly considered the consequences as they paled in comparison to what was to be gained. I was in college in Olympia, Washington and I even stopped going to class, preferring instead to romp around the Pacific Northwest woods with the spy.
He was the first person I’d ever met who permanently lived in an enchanted reality and took it seriously – he talked to God, he talked to spirits, and he believed in magic.
My whole life I’d had subtle hints of psychic experiences, but when I talked about them to family and friends they were shrugged off or explained away as coincidences. Growing up I had always felt pretty different, too. I didn’t exactly belong in the southern California suburb sandwiched between Hollywood and Malibu I’d grown up in, as much as I’d wished to. By the time I was a teenager and filled with dread and depression, I was told by my mom that depression ran in our family – it was a chemical imbalance in the brain, and you can take medications for it. I was on and off anti-depressants from the ages of sixteen to twenty-one.
A few days before meeting the spy, my bottle of antidepressants started to look very repelling to me. I started forgetting if I’d taken them or not, and a few days after hanging out with the spy, I tossed my pills in the trash.
The spy was ridiculously fun. He had amazing stories from war and from growing up in a family of practicing witches. He saw parts of me that no one had ever seen or at least verbalized back to me before, and as we spent time together he mirrored that deep and hidden part of me.
Many nights as I fell asleep, I would see montages of lost and forgotten parts of myself returning to me. Memories from childhood resurfaced and I became suddenly aware of traumatic moments earlier in life where I’d shut down and put parts of myself into shadow. I saw a slideshow of all of the times I was misinterpreted and false identities were projected onto me by other people – as well as how I’d accepted and lived into those projections. I could see patterns in my family and was getting messages from my ancestors.
Now, I didn’t have the psychological tools or references for this. The experience was explosive. I felt passion. I felt rage like I’d never felt before. I felt the blood pumping through my veins like I’d never even felt before, along with ecstasy I’d never felt before, along with having new powers overnight. I felt like I could see through people. I started seeing auras and experiencing signs, synchronicities, and omens.
Freshly in touch with all of this raw vitality, I realized that my depressions growing up were the result of feeling disconnected from nature and from myself, from feeling lonely and not belonging, and those feelings compacting over time. It was about a disconnection from my body – not eating the right foods and growing up in a sexually repressed culture. And surely there were all the little traumas that came from the depression and anxiety in my family environment & the various ways that actually impacted how I was raised. I just didn’t see mental illness as an inherent part of me, but rather as a filter I had grown up with that was now being lifted. I was angry because it felt like I had been lied to, and that my family had been duped by culture and that they couldn’t see it – that they had chosen to conform and take pills instead of addressing the root issues of their situation, roots that had now become blaringly visible to me. I became determined to bring these new insights back to my family and to help them change their lives.
The spy had given me fair warning that talking about things like magic or spirits would make a lot of people think you’re crazy. I thought these experiences and ideas spoke for themselves, and I was pretty certain I could convert my family to my new way of thinking.
I had dreams of pure white light and birds singing. The dream came with a strong message to speak my truth all of the time without filter, that doing so would set me free – and so I blindly charged forth in the spirit of that dream. I spoke aloud to people my visions, and was mesmerizing and enchanting some people and scaring others, like my family. And to be fair, I said some pretty out-there things.
As I tried to share with my parents insights about my childhood, what my depression was actually caused by, toxic patterns in our family and what it really meant to feel alive, and the grand destiny I saw ahead of myself, my parents immediately rejected my ideas. I felt unseen and invalidated all over again like some of my childhood memories had just shown me, so I argued with them more passionately, and with more rage, which only made me appear to be more mentally unstable.
My parents asked me to move home and see a psychiatrist. They were financially supporting me and I didn’t know how to be on my own. I didn’t exactly have a resume to get me anywhere so I accepted their conditions and moved home, not feeling like I really had a choice.
There was one night where I woke my mom up in the middle of the night to try to convince her I wasn’t crazy and didn’t need psychiatric help. (I know, not smart on the timing there!) I told her that I realized I’d acted out of character and said strange things, but that it was because I was experiencing a massive transformation, I found God, and I believed in God now. When I said that, I saw a firework of blue lights spontaneously appear in the room! I kept it to myself, because I knew seeing things wouldn’t help my case. She squinted in the light from my room, her eyes still adjusting. “You can believe in God,” she said. “But you still need to see a psychiatrist.”
I held out thinking the psychiatrist would understand – I imagined he would see how healthy and full of life I was, as I’d truly felt more alive than I ever had. As we had our first conversation in his office, I realized (but not until it was too late) that everything that came out of my mouth about my reality actually just sounded delusional to him. I was quickly diagnosed as bipolar 1, the more serious kind of bipolar. He advised me and my parents that I would need medication for the rest of my life.
My parents told me I needed to do whatever the psychiatrist said – and that maybe, if I ever got better, I could return to my life and college, but that they couldn’t make any promises. My mom seemed afraid that I could disintegrate fully into madness.
After some deliberating –panicking –and visitations from spirit guides in my dreams, I decided that this psychiatric path was more or less unfurled before me like a red carpet. This is just the next part of the adventure, I thought. Time to imbibe some magical poisons. I ended up taking an antipsychotic, and then transitioning to a cocktail of three drugs.
A few weeks wore on…
I argued my case: that I wasn’t really ill, that I’d had a spiritual awakening and could integrate it in other ways that didn’t involve medication or being taken away from college and my life there.
But – my experience was real! I’d argue. I may have made intellectual errors about it and acted inappropriately based on the intensity of what I was going through, but it was real.
It was delusional, they’d say.
I fell in love and basically melded minds with an ex-spy and it was a very extreme experience, and I went off my anti-depressants cold turkey. That would have been enough to destabilize anyone – that doesn’t imply I have a permanent condition, I’d argue.
It’s better for you to be on medications for the rest of your life, just in case. You don’t want to become manic again. And, he probably wasn’t a spy, they would say, and even if he was, your engaging with him only shows you lack impulse control and are drawn to dangerous experiences, which is a symptom of your disorder. Manic people don’t worry about consequences.
Having an exciting life is a symptom of illness? Being young and taking a risk is an illness? Being happy is a problem? I’d ask.
You were too happy, and too excited. You weren’t in touch with reality, they’d say.
I’d argue, and I don’t even believe that my brain chemistry causes my reality – my emotions and my reality equally create my brain chemistry. They are in a circular feedback loop! Why are you so insistent on thinking that material is the source of our experience – why do you just believe everything the doctors say?
And eventually I started to think things to myself like, careful though, they have no idea what I’m talking about and of course I sound manic. This is a losing battle. Perhaps it’s better if I stop talking from my own point of view.
A couple months wore on, and my energy steadily drained out of me…
The medications had negative effects. I had constant anxiety and felt this immense need to kill myself. I frantically researched suicide methods, trying to find my best option. I was always tired, but I couldn’t sleep. I also had twitches in my legs that would literally only go away when I imagined murdering people. Suicidal and homicidal thoughts are side-effects of these medications, and a pathway had formed in my mind that was new to me: thinking about killing people and picturing images like blood splashing onto the wall was actually so comforting it helped me fall asleep at night.
I had pleaded to the spy for rescue and he declined. He stopped talking to me and I felt devastated. I had started to see myself as an orphan. My body was ravaged with pharmaceuticals and my lover was gone.
I didn’t want to tell my psychiatrist about the side effects because it would only add more time to my misadventure – I would have to titrate off the meds and titrate on the new ones. Additionally, all the medications come with side effects. I could trade in my insomnia, suicidal and homicidal fantasies for weight gain, oversleeping, and sleep-eating.
I told the psychiatrist that my reality was depressing – I was stuck at home against my will, separated from my college community, and I was heartbroken. He said, “That’s the tricky thing – if you’re depressed, you’re not balanced. And you need to be balanced.”
My mom said, “You can’t fake the medications working for you – they’ll just work or they won’t, and we’ll find the right cocktail. Get better – that’s all you have to do.”
So instead of fighting with my words, I went underground. I accepted that voicing my own reality or fighting my own case was never going to help. I had just spent all this time with an ex-spy for a reason! I started saying all the right things to my parents and the psychiatrist. I lied, saying I realized I was ill and that I wanted to get better. I lied about the medications working. I put on a smile and pretended to be happy and well-adjusted even though I had never been more miserable in my life. I wanted to get out from under my family’s watchful gaze at home as fast as possible and I calculated my escape.
Why I Practice Evolutionary Astrology
Five months into being stuck at home, I contacted an Evolutionary Astrologer. I’d known him back in Olympia and had once had gotten a twenty-five minute reading from him that blew my mind – I knew he was wise. I told him everything and asked why this was happening. I was afraid I would never be happy again, that my life would be a failure. He read my chart and told me about my karma and my purpose here, and his words rang so true I that I felt the courage to keep going. That month as I continued to say all the right things and make all the right appearances, the psychiatrist deemed me stable and my parents let me move to Olympia to go back to school.
I titrated myself off the pills once I was away from home.
The astrologer was teaching a course about Evolutionary Astrology and I knew I had to take it. After that training, I realized I was capable of forming my own astrological interpretations. I started to understand myself as a soul who is having a human experience, and it radically changed how I navigate my life. Through the language of astrology, I got concrete insights on how to transform my complexes and shadows into integrated gifts. I learned how to step out of victim consciousness and empower myself. My spiritual life soared, but I had new psychological and archetypal references from studying astrology that helped me navigate spiritual bursts of energy with groundedness.
The lights that I saw that night I told my mom about my belief in God started to come back. I would see one or two a day, often appearing into vision at the same time as a particularly exalted thought or feeling. They look like little stars, and I now see thousands of them a day.
I also started studying the law of attraction and learning how to pray. Playing with spiritual energy helped me see more and more lights. I used astrological insights and spiritual techniques to heal my lifelong patterns of depression by transforming my consciousness and my thoughts and making supportive life choices – choosing to align myself with thoughts and actions that made me see lights as much as possible. Sometimes I would get so high with ecstasy and bliss from my spiritual practices, and I’d hold it inside of myself because I didn’t want anyone to think I was having an episode. I learned how to contain myself and be in my authority, and it took some years after to learn how to let my guard back down. It also took a few years to heal my relationships with my parents, but that happened too.
Soon after I’d gotten back to Olympia, the spy and I were back in touch and I needed to see him. He was on the other side of the country, and I got a nannying job and saved up money to go visit him. When I saw him, he told me I should write a book and tell people what I’ve learned.
So I wrote a novel based on what happened. It’s not published yet, but I believe one day it will be.
I started an astrology blog and began writing forecasts. I conducted research projects and built my business and have since worked with hundreds of people and my work is read by thousands. I finished college and am now a candidate for a masters degree in Philosophy, Cosmology and Consciousness.
Over the years, I’ve honed my clairvoyant and psychic abilities, like the lights, and integrated magic into my everyday life. The work I do with astrology is answering a calling I have to help other people wake up to their own power and self-awareness of who they truly are. I know astrology offers a depth of laserlike insight for addressing the root energies and motivations behind our behaviors, and that these insights can free us. Likewise, my run-in with psychiatry showed me a route of addressing mental distress with chemical repression instead of actual clarity or empowerment. Astrology helped me process and change my experience from a fundamental level.
I’ve gotten to interact with so many amazing people and realized through my one-on-one work and research that so many people are privately having experiences that aren’t part of public discourse on what is normal… so a lot of people will preface things they say to me with “you might think this is crazy” or “a lot of people would think this is crazy but I know you won’t”. And these people aren’t crazy. But having psychic sensibilities or mystical encounters or extreme awakening experiences like I had, and not having any frameworks for it or psychological context for it that validates spiritual realities is enough to make someone crazy.
The world is changing quickly, demanding that we evolve along with it. I believe we need ideas that help us adapt and ideas that connect us to our true power and gifts. I know what it’s like to come into contact with ideas that are life-saving and soothe the soul at the very deepest of levels, and that’s the kind of content I aim to share with you.
Stick around if…
You are someone who wants to experience psychological and spiritual wellness.
You want to know your purpose and live your dream life, and overcome the specific obstacles that make you into your best self.
You want to experience language that touches upon edges of reality that aren’t talked about in the mainstream culture, but deeply validate your inner emotional life and meet you where you actually are.
You want to be in touch with transformative ideas and practical skills for connecting to your Soul.
I write amazing weekly forecasts that people love, give astrology readings, teach astrology courses, and I have a podcast coming soon.