I am aware of an impulse: when something creates pleasure I immediately think a variety of things that translate to “I should do this all the time.” Then I remember the law of diminishing returns, that much of this pleasure comes from it being new, a discovery. And then on some level I begin to fret, realize how very temporal this moment is, but satisfying, meaning I will feel the loss of it. If I come to out of the spell, I see more that I will just need to keep the river streaming. It becomes my goal to fill up more and more pockets of my life with this feeling of being deeply seated, that I can and will live for aesthetic. Because I do not run the show and I am aware of the majesty I have no choice but to love so hard that it may break anything that calcifies my heart. You do not cease to love simply because it exposes your rawest places. You just sink into every gaping abyss and suture it with that love.
(This transmission is brought to you by Venus in Scorpio trine Neptune in Pisces)