Going Up to Go Within


There’s one school of thought that says I have to go into the battlefield to fix myself, but I don’t know if this is true. When I dive into the depths of what is “wrong”, no amount of work I do down there assures I come back up clean. Usually it is the opposite, I come back up to find a thousand mirrors validating my most recent negative assessment of self. They say to go straight up to the stars and the angels is a form of denial or bypassing, but for me, it’s like a survival. That kind of upper frequency is a food, manna, that resources me. I go through the day and inevitably something comes up from below, from the psychic swamp, that from that elevated frequency I can recognize as a false-self. If I were to stay in the mud and fight it, I would stay in the mud forever. Why fight when I can let it go? I would like to cut it at the root and not deal with it again, but that requires me to know what the root is. What if the process over time, of discovering the nature of the root, is the gold? If I were to throw myself into the soil to search for that root, who knows when and where I would find my objective in that labyrinth? In my life, I will feel something come up again and again and again, until it is no longer relevant. As long as I fight it, it’s relevant and in direct relationship to my very being. When I find an alternative, it becomes obsolete. Its raw energy – now available for use – finds a new, elevated, channel. I won’t go up just to transcend (and not have to deal with) something – I go up for the perspective that allows me to move freely, not entrenched, not stuck in places where solutions are covered in mud. The only duality between above and below are the ones we make.

~Sabrina Monarch

(Image: Léon Bakst)

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