Forecast

Letting Go is a Fractal of Death: post Full Moon in Scorpio Eclipse Reflection

We’ve just come out of an impactful eclipse (the full moon in Scorpio on May 5). Incidentally I was myself eclipsed, having written something to share about it, gone into retreat and find out we were surrendering our phones and computers for the week, before I’d finalized and been ready to publish what I’d written. (These Taurus/Scorpio eclipses have been in my 3rd and 9th houses, houses of communication, media, teaching, learning, and travel). I took the reroute and went into the field and the descent process laid before me.

As a reflection to offer in retrospect instead, eclipses relate to powerful events and shifts that feel beyond our control (or it becomes extremely anxiety-provoking and psychologically unraveling to try to control it). They can relate to significant entrances and exits. The last eclipse resonated especially with letting go in that it was in the sign of Scorpio, it was a full moon (which is already about release) and the moon was conjunct its south node (which is also a point of release).

The Sun and Uranus were (and are) conjunct in Taurus and co-present with the north node of the moon in Taurus. We could say that we were encountering larger surges of sensation in the body, perhaps relating to them differently than normal. I noticed my small capacity to be the villain or the ‘bad guy’ as cast in someone else’s story was becoming a limitation. My fear of it was distorting my expression. It was a limitation about being able to stand in my truth. If I was bending and contorting myself to make someone else happy or prevent their emotions, it was also to not have to feel the immense sensation and discomfort of the consequence of being in truth. When I said what I needed to, I was definitely not spared the high sensation of it, but I chose to lean into it and expand there. It was still messy. Uranus tends to show us where we’re feeling cagey because in a sense we are not free. Uranus in Taurus highlights body freedom, like having expanded range in our nervous system to really align with our true path.

One thing I continue to learn about the Scorpionic process of letting go is that things often must be felt on the way out. It’s not so simple to just kill a feeling or an attachment that we no longer wish to have. We’re asked to feel something.

This eclipse likely had some quality to it of asking us to feel something we avoid or have developed mechanisms/defenses to avoid. As we relate to life in this way, these mechanisms do work a lot of the time until they don’t. They can’t stand up forever, just as natural weather events have their way of changing apparently solid/static landscapes. Feeling our normal defenses not working or no longer being appropriate is an incredibly vulnerable feeling and it does unearth whatever was beneath the defense and being protected.

The medicine of this eclipse could have been around not running from that thing beneath anymore, like the moment of facing a monster who has been chasing us in a reoccurring dream. We might be humbled by the realization that it’s taking a lot of force or control to avoid feeling. Seeing what happens when we descend into the feeling itself, rather than hover in the complicated web we’ve built around the simple thing.

For me, I got to see that although I love my storyteller and my capacity to track nuance and details, she can get obsessive and she can spin. If I take her down through my body, I feel a grief that has no words. The thing I loop over and try to ‘figure out’ and take long (or endless) times to ‘heal’, moves a lot quicker down and in through my body. For a moment, the sensation is sweetly annihilating, like becoming part of the ocean. And then I’m back, altered and softer.

When I traced it deeper, I realized that avoiding feeling is a fractal form of avoiding death. When we really feel something, it changes and we change. The part of our ego most attached to avoiding the feeling is like a part of the ego that doesn’t want to die. But it’s also painful to resist, and we prevent the free flow of recycled energy as we grip and try to outsmart the force of death, ending, and decay. We have many chances to let go in life (before finally letting go of this incarnate form), and lately I’ve been viscerally learning both how hard it is (to the resistant part of self) and how sweet it can be to align with the flow of the cycles of nature and actually make the space to let go. A great leap beyond what any ego structure on its way out could have imagined.

Join me in some current offerings!

1:1 Coaching: Using your natal chart and transits as a living map, over time we explore what is coming up in your life and inner world. As an astrologer, I get to live out my awareness of my own chart and I know how powerful it can be. In collaboration with you, we combine the material of your life and your aspirations/desires and I can bring illumination on where this is showing up in the chart with my astrological sight and expertise. I work in the spirit of becoming aware of the limiting or shadow expressions of certain placements, and discovering and leaning into any of the infinite elevated potentials of those same placements.

In addition to talking about the astrology, this work together is experiential through EFT/tapping (a somatic trauma healing technique), guided visualization, and the Akashic Records.

Email me sabrina@monarchastrology.com to set up a call to discuss.